HEALTH PT. II
#Y2KCrash? #NahBody2KCrash
December 12th, 2013 // 11:26 PM // AvØn, COLORADO
Starting Artist: #Copeland #TestingTheStrongOnes /// Repeat: V
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After that initial biopsy, #TheResultsAreIn! This was #JanuaryTwoThousand. My doctor would always try and make things light, and happy even in the worst times. I remember very #VividlyLookingUpAtTheInsignia above the doorway, as I stepped through it. I could feel the #DarkEnergy #Distraught-ness that was about to happen.
He always came in very #Cheerful and he would compliment me on my #FossilWatch that my mother and father had given to me on my #SixteenthBirthday, just barley over a month ago. He then complimented my watch, a tiny bit more than usual. “Man I gotta get my one of those!” I would then #Brag to him that it was the #ThreeDialOne that #GlowedInTheDark. He was impressed, and I was Happy that he was intrigued about how fucking classy I was.
Oh this is going well right? He then explained that I had #SystemicLupusEyrthematosus. I did not know what to #Feel or #Think, I did not know what it was, and either did my mom really, but more than me. I looked at my mothers eyes and she was #Horrified. I knew that this was going to be bad.
The #MedicalJargon for this is:
#LupusErythematosus is a name given to a collection of autoimmune diseases, in which the human immune system becomes #Hyperactive and #AttacksNormalHealthy tissues. Symptoms of this particular disease can affect many different body systems, including: #Joints #Skin #Kidneys #BloodCells #Heart #Lungs.
#LupusErythematosus may manifest as a systemic disease or in a purely cutaneous form also known as #IncompleteLupusErythematosus aka #SLE. Which, lucky me … I had. The main difference was that #SLELupus also attacks the #NervousSystem. The course of the disease is very unpredictable, with periods of illness aka #Flares, alternating with #Remissions. The disease occurs #NineTimes more often in women than in men.
When I heard this news at sixteen it was a #TerminalDisease for some one of my age back then. The doctors did their best to #SaveMyLife and my kidneys, as my kidneys were the main part that were destroyed by the SLE Lupus.
They explained it in a very good way. It went something like this, “Your kidneys are like block of #SwissCheese and your #Blood #Protein #VitalNutrients are passing through these holes and not retaining in your body. Your #WhiteBloodCells that fight off infection, and your #RedBloodCells that provide #Oxygen are at a #War. The red blood cells are #Destroying your white blood cells, then attacking vital organs. In this case, your #Kidneys.
They began to tell me that #Chemotherapy in the form of #Cytoxan would be administered immediately. I was like isn't that for #BreastCancer? I was pretty #Vocal #Interested about what was going to be happening to my body. I #StillAm, as I should be. The doctor explained, “Yes, but this works differently. See those holes in your kidney I talked to you about, the #Radiation helps make those holes turn into #Cracks #LargeDivots over time.”
I remember the first #Treatment like it was yesterday, and it still #HauntsMyDreams, it strikes me right to my core to think about it. #ForTheBookForThePeople. Well, each treatments all had their own interesting #Phenomenas.
We arrived at #ChildrensMercy and they do the usual routine of obtaining your #Vitals, and some #Blood. Then, the #IV came. Oh man my hands are sorta shaking as I am typing this as I am #Reliving how fucking crazy that whole day was. It will have changed my #LifeForever.
Remember, I hate and I could not look at needles, I hate, hate, them. The first nurse stuck me, got it. Nope, its #Blew, which, I found out that would means the vein ruptures or gets punctured, causing blood to leak outside of the vein, making it useless. Alright #TightenTheBand #SlapSlapSlap, okay looks like this one will work. #SecondStick, it hurt, it hurts #iAmScreamingInMyHead, then the tears start to come, sorta like right now. My awesome mother there, holding my hand. The #ThirdStick, by this time there are #ThreeNurses with their #GiantRubberBands just slapping #THEFuck outta my body. #FourthStick. By this time, I have my head in my pillow and I am trying not to scream. #BeStrongiFuckingTellMyself #iCanDoThis #iCan #iCan
Now my feet are next, they ask me to stop shaking if I can. What kind of fucking question is that I am thinking. I could not. #FifthStickHappens, My moms hand is #Blue from me squeezing it so hard, I guess this is #TortureAtItsBest. #SIXTHStick happens, I'll never forget I hear a scream a faint scream as I am almost delirious, it comes #FullCircle and it is my mom saying #Stop! #JustStop! #CantYouSeeHeIsInPain?! #AsSheIsCryingWithMe #AsIAmCryingRightNowAgain #FuckThisChapter. #We'reNotEvenToTheChemo part yet.
My mom then asked to see my doctor. He heard a nice earful from my mom as well as other parents in the other rooms, with their kids … hearing my fucking screams. From then on only the #LifeFlightEMTs could place my lines. My body is #Inflamed #Red, which is hard color to happen on a brown person. My body is just #PulsingHard everywhere.
My #IV is finally in, they take my #BloodPressure, its spiked as #Fuck because, I was indirectly slash directly #Tortured, you pick. I was sitting up in my bed, looking around me and wondering what kind of world I had just been transported to. #BrightLights #MonitorsBeeping #PeopleHushTalking, no one knew what to expect, except the doctors, or so I thought …
The doctors came in and asked #TwoQuestions before #TestingTheStrongOnes #ScaringTheBeautifulOnes. The #First question they asked was a very #Unnatural one experienced at #Sixteen. Before we administer the #Cytoxan would you like to go over the options of #FreezingYourSperm? Wait, what? Why would I need to do that? Well, Devin the #Chemo will hinder your ability to ever have #Children. Wait, I won't be able to have kids? I stuttered.
I looked to my mother for #Closure #Assurance, as I did many times during my journey. She, looked to me and asked me what I wanted to do, as she was trying to hold back tears and be #StrongToo.
They explained it a little more thorough, and it was very #Expensive to freeze them. I usually did things with #Faith and would reply with an #UnsureOkay. Who knows when I would have #Kids I was #FuckingSixteen?!
However, this time I didn't feel unsure; I had always felt that since I was #Adopted and was blessed to be an #AmericanCitizen, that I would return the favor for some lucky child as well. I did however, start to cry a little bit, but knowing what I knew now, I probably would have broke down even more, but I still wanted to be #Resilient, even though a HUGE part of me, literally just died.
song change: Negative Space; Priest and Matador by #SensesFail.
This song has a very particular place in my heart. The intro into the next song was amazing, as well as the whole message of the song. People think that swearing is just juvenile and that, that person has nothing better to say. I am here to tell you that the part where #Buddy says,
#AManBendsDownAndSaysSonWe'reGonnaGetThroughThisOne
#TakeMyHandAndLetUsPray #iScreamPleaseGetTheFuckAway.
- You will understand once you have been through an experience
that questions your Faith, and your WHØLE WØRLD -
I had no idea what to expect with what was about to happen. The #Second question. Devin we are going to administer the #Cytoxan now, we will be leaving and someone will be coming in to give you your first treatment. Are you ready?
As that door shut, and everyone disappeared. I had never felt so alone in my life, or so I thought. The person came in, it was like a horror movie. Dressed up head to toe in #Radioactive gear. #Gloves #Shoes #Mask the whole #NineYards. They then switched over the bag, to pump the #Radiation in my body. I laid back, my head against the pillow, looking up at the #IVLine. I see it slowly creep down, it looks like #Death. Right then and there, no one was in the room and I felt so #Alone. I watch it go into my wrist. It felt like a #GatewayToHell just opened up in my entire body. It was on fire, I put my face in my pillow and let it all out. If I could compare it to any screaming feeling probably like #TheUsedGreenerWithTheScenery break down at #TwoTwentyNine where #Bert is going #Bezerk and destroying the fuck out of that #MusicStudio on repeat for an eternity, but intensifying more and more each, and every heart beat.
The treatment was finally over. Now pumping me with fluid for #Rehydration #Cleanse was next. Never in my life has cold fluid running through my body felt so refreshing. I just wanted to jump into a frozen pool. #Zofran was next for my #Nausea. Then some other medicines injected.
I awoke the next morning, check on my mother before she awoke. I make my way to the bathroom to go number two. I grab my glasses, try to put them on. Something was wrong. I flip on the light, to my #HorrificSight. I literally looked like the #NuttyProfessor #EddieMurphyEdition, but in the most #EmotionallyCripplingWTFJustHappenedToMeDepressingHeartDroppingWay
I did not know how to react. I had just woken up and I thought it was a #Dream. I sat there in #Speechlessness. I then had one of the most #TorrentialTearDownpours I have ever had semi like whats happening #Rightnow. I #SCREAMEDMOM!!! at the #TOPOFMYFUCKINGLUNGS. She came #Running to the bathroom. She … she … looked at me and I #SawTheExtremeHorror on her #Face #Eyes #Everything. I fell to the floor trying to comprehend WHAT THE FUCK just happened to me?!!!!
My Mom then sprinted out of the room to find a #Nurse, a #Doctor who the hell ever to come to my aid. It took awhile as it was probably #ShiftChanges at #FiveOrSixAm, I remember because the sun had barley just rose, and woke me.
A nurse came sprinting in and she looked at me and #DidNotEvenSayShit. She then sprinted the #Fuck out of the room to find a #Doctor. My mother then came into the bathroom and just #HeldMe. #ShitiHaveTheTearsWhereYourChestIsAlsoCompressingRightNow #FullBody #MusicalGodsDidItAgain #SongChange #Lydia #Hospital #AlliSeeScaresMeScaresMeScaresMe #IllNeverEverLeaveThereIllNeverLeave.
The Doctor came in, and was also #SpeechlessAtFirst, but then told me I had to get back into bed and they needed to check me out. They did a bunch of #Vitals #Xrays and came to the conclusion #iRetainedAllOfTheFluidOvernight, which came out to #TenPoundsOfWaterWeight #Overnight. Yes, it stretched the #FuckOutOfMySkinnyIndianBody. The only way for me to expel the excess fluid was by #Urinating. I slowly saw my body go back to now a ...
::: #DisfiguredDevin :::
Health Chapter PT. 2.2 :::
Next Friday, November 17th, 2017:::