2Ø16 Letter To Myself
Saturday, December 31, 2016
10:17 PM // SLC Apt
It was around $100K, 3 years ago! Our Healthcare System #Should be a lot better. But at least, I have access to it. #LookForThePositive.
For me 2016 sucked a fucking lot if you want to #DwellOnTheNegative. You know I lost a best friend at the beginning of it, almost towards the end of #TwentyFifteen. There was #Hope during #Christmas as their always is, but it was just all different because of the event that transpired and the ones that I just found out about. I then had #KidneyFailure, again. It was devastating. You know I like to believe we live in a time where things would be accelerated medically, but its not. You do get the impression that its a #KeepThemSickSituation. I believe it to be more true than not, plus it is #PushedUponMe more to do the things the way the doctors see fit, not as I see fit as a patient. One of the biggest reasons it had changed my mind was that it is incredibly hard to obtain a #KidneyTransplant #LotsOfRedTape #GovernmentInvolvementEvenMoreNow, it has increased financially #ThreeHundredFuckingPercent just for the transplant!!!
:::
This blew my fucking mind, it started to make sense why all of my awesome doctors were from different countries. I never wanted to say it was this, but I would have done the same thing. They were here because, in America you make the most money off of health care, being a private company within a even greater company. It seriously is #RidiculouslySad that ultimately money rules everything.
I also had many #ScarySurgeries this year, the highest percentage of death aka #MortalityRate that had ever been uttered to my ears and seen with my #BabyAdolescentResurrectingBrownEyes. I had to regain faith in something again. As it was already sort of dying out. You always question Life and God, Existence #AlotThisTimeAround and just #FuckingEvvvverrryyyttthing. I did that even more this year in every aspect, and these ingrained beliefs I had … #Changed #BigTime. My body experienced a very heavy sorrow mentally and emotionally. It was one fucking horrible rollercoaster.
Not all of the “so-called hype” of what some would call #Conspiracies. I call it #Understanding the many aspects of my life that I either enjoyed, or had fully devoted myself too. The #Understanding that what I previously understood about my belief in #God #Healthcare #Humanity, and #OurSociety was mostly all a #Lie in many different degrees and angles. And that was the most fucking #Depressing thing. To suddenly comprehend a new outlook on #AllOf Life in a blink of an eye. So what always comes into play when I am depressed? Some medical marijuana and some awesome #NewishMusic.
As a lyricist I always try and find a #Lyric that really #Defines2016 for me as a whole. #iHaveOnesForRelationshipsLoveBreakupsRealityChecks or just #LovingTheSoundOfItOrText #NeckDeep won that contest this year. I really just started listening to their album a few months ago. It is now #DecemberThirtyFirstTwentySixteenNineFiftyFivePMMST
If you really think about these lyrics they can mean many different things, based on anything that may have happened in #Your2016, if you decided to #DwellOnTheNegative rather than #SeeThePositive, but it is always based on #HowYouSeeIt. Everyone wants a #Voice, its just ... a very frugal or fragile device in this #SocialMediaRealm. And that is what is scary about writing this book. I don't know what shit I will get for it, or what it may or may not spark. I hope it sparks a #FuckingPhenomenalLight in each and everyone of you, to know that YOU can do it as well, because ...
The World's a Fucked Up Place
But It Depends On How YOU See It
Life Is Full Of Change
You Throw Up And Then You Feel It
#SmoothSeasDontMakeGoodSailors
Jump Ship And Head For Failure
Find Yourself A Tragedy
Slowly Lose Your Sanity
So, let's keep making positive changes in your own life and others. I have been very, very blessed this year, an outpouring of love and support from friends, family, and strangers. How I can I find a #Tragedy in that. #iAmTheBestSailorOfMyNeverEndingSea #iMeaniHaveTheMouthForIt #VomitFreeSince93 #WishiWasntAtTimesThough #DryHeavingsABitch